Are you a Lover or a Fighter?

Lover or a fighter?

We’re all fighters

Love is hard and requires fighting for.

I am both.

I love deep and hard.

With my whole being.

And I fight for those I love.

I am a mama bear for my kids… whether they’re biological or not.

I am a champion of the under dog.

I am a woman’s woman.

I will have a woman’s back until she gives me personal reason not to - a little about this later in the post

And I am a woman who loves her people fiercely and passionately. Family (blood and chosen) Friends, colleagues, clients.

I am a lover and a fighter.

Because living from love requires that

Something you may not know about me. I just finished coming out of the break up/make up cycle from hell.

And the hell, I created.

Because I wasn’t ready to let go

I saw hope.

I saw the future we could have.

I believed the words, and dismissed the lack of actions to follow

Several times

You see, you can be one of the most brilliant and emotionally intelligent women on the planet. And you may still struggle with the matters of the heart.

The final straw.

He allowed another woman into his life. The woman knowingly decided it was absolutely okay to inject herself into the relationship I was fighting so hard for.

And he let her.

Whether something actually happened between them physically is irrelevant - conversations that need to be hidden or deleted is still cheating

I carry no shame about talking about this - Shame would indicate that I have done something wrong, or was not good enough. The fact is, that's not true

(The veil has lifted on the things I was scared to say)

It’s on both of them.

He wouldn’t be honest.

And. As I had the full mental breakdown, I knew this was the end of this contract between us.

I thought he was my forever.

I haven’t been on this kind of a break up/healing journey in quite some time.

And. Not to this depth.

This one was a hard one.

We’re talking 4 months of back and forth.

And doing my share to keep it together because I. believed. In blind faith

I believed he was my forever.

I believed in the man I saw prior to the last 4 months.

I knew he was there.

And he had lost his way.

My accountability is in the fact that I kept giving him chances - opportunities to do something different. This is how people learn and grow. When they have a safe space to be someone better. Do something differently. Step into who they know they can be without judgement or rejection

He is comfortable in his stuckness, victim state and drama

I. Am. Not

Peace is my priority.

And. I was starting to see pieces of myself returning that I didn’t ever want to see again.

That’s when I knew this contract was done.

My gratitude is in the fact that he showed me what wounds and triggers still needed to be healed.

My gratitude is knowing he showed me what security and safety in the relationship could look and feel like (at the beginning!

He gave me the gift of living in my most authentic light.

He was one of the first men I trusted entirely….

Until. He showed me that I couldn’t.

And. That’s when we know the contract is ending.

Every relationship has its bumps and twists and turns. And what I also know is

If that relationship starts to ask you to live outside of your core values, your morals and your whole hearted beliefs.

It’s not meant for you.

Draw the lessons.

And move on.

My intention with this post…

It’s a kick off on my next chapter.

As I step into my own healing journey…

I invite you to join me whether you’re broken hearted or not

I will be sharing the emotions.

The tools of healing.

A road map of my journey of #singleandstriving

Time to be a little fiery.